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“Writing can be a lifeline, especially when your existence has been denied, especially when you have been left on the margins, especially when your life and process of growth have been subjected to attempts at strangulation.”
— Micere Githae Mugo

3 Relationship Gifts for Valentine’s Day

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With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, several of us are eagerly waiting for gifts. One of the gifts you can give your relationship is a dose of healthy communication. What some women may not realize is that relationships consists of challenges. I’ve seen women walk away from good men for the smallest of infractions. In most relationships, these ‘challenges’ seem to last forever. 

My husband and I have experienced major difficulties that included: blending a family, military moves, homelessness with 3 kids, several unemployments, a child in and out of the hospital, a child going to jail, and I had an emotional affair with another man. Thankfully, our trials taught us to be intentional about working together to ensure our relationship is one based on love, mutual respect and service.
With Valentine’s Day a week away, I would encourage you to use these tips as a gift to your relationship.

  • Letter Writing – I know it’s old school, however it works. It’s a creative way to communicate my thoughts. I would write letters and leave them on his steering. This opened the door for healthy dialogue.

  • Forgiveness – If you cannot forgive you will not have a healthy relationship. You cannot allow your mama, your sisters or your girlfriends to influence your decision to not forgive your significant other. They will have you lonely. I meditate in the shower to gain peace and clarity to forgive my husband when he hurts my feelings.

  • Listening – Undivided attention is sexy. Even if he is redundant, listen to him. Dialing in strengthens your relationship. My husband blurted out one day that women at work listen to him but I shut him down. I chose to use this to grow. I decided right there to listen to everything he said. He thanked me recently for just listening to him without judging what he was saying.

Were there days in the last eighteen years we have been married that I wanted to throw in the towel? Absolutely! But I remind myself that I control my happiness in my relationship, not him. These tools are my gift to myself for a healthy relationship.


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