Vedia Barnett
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“Writing can be a lifeline, especially when your existence has been denied, especially when you have been left on the margins, especially when your life and process of growth have been subjected to attempts at strangulation.”
— Micere Githae Mugo

Choosing to LOVE on Me TODAY

My body is to be loved. I’m choosing to love on my big lips, the moles on my face, the curve in my back and my discolored and sometimes dry, patchy skin.
Look, I finally know I will never, ever be a size 2 again. I had to be okay with this as social media bombards us to look, dress and be a certain way. Yes, even those of us in our 40s and 50s deal with this too. Millennials do not have a monopoly on self esteem issues.

My senses were assaulted daily by another 4o or 50-something year old woman with washboard abs, small waists, big butts and biceps they can crack a nut with. For a while, I tried to keep up and was dragging myself into the gym at God awful hours only to be totally exhausted by 6pm. Then I started to feel bad that I couldn’t keep up or be a part of “Team No Sleep”. I tried it and my body fought back. I would get sick or feel cloudy all day due to a lack of sleep. This led to a deep depression that lasted for weeks.

So in the course of me loving myself today, I am deciding to focus on what truly makes me happy, not what social media says should be making me happy. I want to encourage you to do the same if you are struggling with what you see on social media and what your reality is.

Get off social media! Yup! One of my ways to help my mental health was to get off social media. I deleted my IG and Twitter accounts. I only use Facebook sporadically and mainly to post about my businesses. At first it was difficult. My hands would unconsciously look for those apps on my phone so I took them off. Now the only way for me to get on social media is through a computer. I feel so much better when I am not scrolling through posts feeling like I am not doing or being enough.

  • Get counseling. I go twice a month. Stop dragging your feet, call your insurance company and get your EAP authorization number for 6–8 free appointments.

  • Eat right! I added more green stuff to my diet and reduced the amount of sugar I consume. Choose Mrs. Dash Salt-Free seasonings instead of the other stuff. Drink water. I purchased a water bottle with a fruit infuser.

  • Move your body. I have a FitBit and I use the Nike+ app on my phone and I get my steps done in the house or days I can’t make it to the gym to walk on the treadmill. I watched a 2-hour documentary the other day and by the time I was done, I walked in place 7 miles. I was sweaty and I was happy. Hubby and I sometimes head outside and walk our neighborhood.

  • Watch television, read, color or do nothing. As a “Type A’ personality, I struggled with this. I was raised you have to do-do-do and go-go-go. Sitting and doing nothing was foreign to me. I would feel guilty if I watched television. Now, I do it and feel so much better that I can give my brain a break.

  • Invest in smell good stuff. The smell good awakens my senses and makes my feel a tad bit more feminine. I love natural items from black owned businesses such as Pardo Naturals and My Lumina Candles are amazing.

  • Polish my own nails and toes. This makes me slow down and pay attention to my body. I usually do this all fall and winter since my toes won’t be exposed. I love the colors from Pear Nova and EA Polish.

  • Add some tint to your lips and/or eyes. I love lip color but I’m highly allergic. I use colors from The Lip Bar and Juvia’s Place. I love their colors and since they are all natural, they are my favorites. I love how they stay on all day long and accent my natural beauty.

These are a few simple tips to pamper yourself today and everyday whether you have a significant other or not. I challenge you to consider what makes you feel good and what you enjoy this year. Don’t allow social media to dictate to you how you should be.

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